Survive
by Sam M. Phillips

I seek escape,
Cannot placate panic,
Manic for way out,
I shout,
Serves no purpose
But to be labelled insane,
My pain gets no sympathy,
But it is for the best,
Test of my ability to stand alone,
Need to atone for failures,
Lures lead me down false trail,
Rail against system,
Born into,
But part of now,
Sour mind,
Tight bind,
Bad attitude,
Low aptitude,
Rude malcontent,
Diseased dissident,
I’m discontent with my lot,
Give me a shot,
No job for me,
No opportunity,
I’d blow it,
I know it,
So why try,
Days go by,
No action,
No attraction out there,
I swear I’m from somewhere else,
Hard to fit in here,
Hard to double think my way clear,
I hear you, boss,
You’re cross I won’t bow down,
I’ll slap you around if you treat me inferior,
No one is my superior,
So why aren’t I king of the world?

I’m superior only in my mind,
I’m not actually well adjusted,
I’m busted down ranks,
Banks close doors,
Credit debit scores,
Laws are a weight,
I debate internally,
Externally others get on with it,
I stay in and write a sonnet,
Worthless,
No one buys me,
They pass by me,
I’m angry
Because I’m not a useful product,
Yet I won’t let myself be made into one,
I’m a burning sun,
An enigma,
Stigma stings,
Rings burnt in hand,
Won’t land me pay,
I rue the day I try,
I’ve no plan to live a lie,
So I ask myself why
Do I deserve to die,
Because I won’t get in line?

Need to forgive,
Give myself a break,
My values I won’t forsake,
You can’t take who I am,
If I fit in nowhere,
What do I care?
I care because I need to eat,
Because I need a place to live,
But beyond that there’s nothing money buys.

I am capable,
I have talent,
I work hard
To be a bard,
Words and music my life,
The only way to survive this strife.

***

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