Habitual Creatures

by Sam M. Phillips

Have you heard

The way I talk?

It’s absolutely absurd,

I need to walk

Away from here,

And clear

My head of fear,

I let it stalk too near

To my consciousness,

Filling me with distress,

I try my best,

But this test

Is too much,

It is such

A hard road,

A heavy load,

Trying to goad

Me to madness,

I feel less

Than I could be,

I should be

Able to cope with life,

And not invent strife

To haunt my brain,

The strain

Of going through this again

Is driving me insane,

The pain

Of being obsessive compulsive

Makes me feel repulsive,

I need to give

Myself a break

And take a step back

From what I may lack,

I can keep on track,

And ignore the voices

Guiding my choices

To irrational action,

I would get a lot satisfaction

From leaving this alone,

But I cannot atone

For this repetitious

And stupidly superstitious

Behaviour,

Where’s my saviour?

I savour

Every moment

Free of torment,

But I’m meant

To be getting better,

I don’t want to fetter

Myself to this rock,

How can I take stock,

And realise the falsehood

Is doing me no good?

I know I should

Be able to see

What is bothering me,

But don’t we

All fall

For some trick?

Don’t we all pick

Some coping mechanism

To close the schism

Between head and heart?

It’s been with us since the start

Of civilisation,

Dire demonstration

Of our dysfunction,

When will we take action?

Will it ever be done?

Or will we run

In circles forever,

Trying to sever

Our neurosis,

But never succeeding

Always bleeding

As it takes us away?

We start our day

With some ritual,

We are habitual

Creatures,

And the features

Of our mind

Aren’t hard to find,

They are the same kind

Found the world over,

We cannot cover

The way they smother

Every part of us,

I’m not sure we must

Do something about it,

Or just sit

On our hands,

The sands

Of time will record

That we’ll always be bored,

And have energy stored

That must find release,

So maybe

We’ll never find peace.

***

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